Get Rid Of People That Clutter Your Life
Everyone knows that stuff can clutter your life. I recently read a blog post about how experiences can clutter your life too. But can people clutter your life? Yes, I believe they can. Simplify your life and get rid of them.
You probably think I am a jerk for referring to human beings in such a way, but it is true! Some people are just not worth your time and energy and should be disposed of just like your old box of pop CD’s from eighth grade. Unfortunately, ending relationships with people provides no chance of getting any money back like other types of clutter…
First let me talk about the kinds of people that ARE worth having in your life.
- Family – This one is obvious to me, but not to all. I know some families get along better than others, but regardless, there is always a bond that is like no other between a family. Do all that you can to sustain your relationship with your family and stay at peace. They are the ones who will be there for you until the end… no matter what. They are supportive and probably the people you know best in life. For those of you who have really rough family problems, I am sorry to hear that. Do all that you can to make amends, but if you can’t, hold on to the next two types of people!
- True Friends – True friends are hard to come by, so hold on to them as tight as possible when you find one! I let down a good friend of mine recently and have been regretting it ever since. True friends are always there for you. They support you, but are honest with you when you are being an idiot or making horrible choices. They want to see you happy and succeed. These are the people that you can do absolutely nothing with and have a good time. No entertainment is necessary. Cherish these ones!
- Significant Others – This one can go both ways. On one end, romantic love can be one of the most beautiful and amazing things in this world. They can be your family, friend, and spouse all rolled into one. On the other end, you must be careful! Some people prefer to be alone because they feel tied down by their significant other or feel like they have to make too many sacrifices for the relationship to work. The ones who love you for who you are no matter what are the keepers.
I believe that surrounding yourself with positive people is the best thing you can do for yourself. Their positive outlook will spread to you and you will be happier because of it. The happier you are, the more productive you will be, and the more fit you will be for making others happy!
On To The Clutter
Acquaintances, coworkers, classmates, neighbors, etc… These are all prime candidates for people that can clutter your life. No, not all of them will, but some could. You know someone is cluttering your life when:
- You dread returning their phone calls.
- You are never the one who calls them, they always call you.
- You converse only in small talk, not about things that have any real value.
- There is a silence when you are hanging out, it gets awkward, and one of you must stimulate the conversation for things to feel normal again.
- You would never call them if you truly needed help.
- You don’t fully trust them.
- The only thing that is keeping you together is one random, unimportant thing in common such as going to the same school, living in the same city, being the same age, or enjoying the same hobby.
Call me anti-social, I don’t care. I just hate fake relationships. I hate networking. I hate small talk. I hate talking about the weather. Stripping down the relationships in your life to the ones that truly matter can make your life a whole lot simpler. It will save you time, energy, and you won’t be misleading them either. I know some little chit chat must go on sometimes to stay at peace with people, but try not to dedicate a lot of time to people that are just draining you.
Now you might be wondering: How do I go about getting rid of these people?
It can be tricky and is not always easy. Some people will get the hint and stop bothering if you don’t return their phone calls. This works fine if you don’t see them often. When it comes to people you see everyday, it gets a little harder. I try to be as short with them as possible and don’t go out of my way to say hello or ask how they are doing. Basically just be nice enough to show that you are not a jerk, but mean enough to show them that you don’t want a relationship. And when I accidentally pick up calls from these people, I am completely honest with them.
Ring…
Clutter: Hey, want to see a movie tonight with some of my friends?
Me: Nah, I do not feel like it. Goodbye.
Easy as that!
Now go on, get rid of those time wasting, energy hogging, clutter sapiens.
Photo By Drown
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A fine post, but i dont think that someone clutter you life when they ex. call you on the phone.
Maybe the just think that you are a great person, but of course if the dont say/mean something to you i can see what you mean.
Keep up the good work!
Never has a truer blog post been authored. It was time someone said it. We’ve all thought about it, but no one wants to seems like the “jerk”
I have de-people-cluttered my life and I am so gratefuly for it.
On a related note: I’m always wondering why there’s a negative stigma attached to being a relaxed homebody type. I like to go out occasionally, there are places I want to travel to, but these idea do not consume my life.
At the end of a long week I’d rather hang out with my boyfriend and my cat instead of going out with a bunch of people I barely tolerate and spending money I’d rather save…
Recently I have de-cluttered my life of 2 people. It was not easy to do, but i felt it was necessary. I am glad to know that I am not the only one that feels it is ok to de- clutter people.
Tracys last blog post..don’t miss the little things
This may or may not be relevant to the heading of Relationships, but it is some-think that has been on my mind of late, and may get some reaction.
I have been job-hunting quite a bit lately, not so much of need for increased income (yes, I do need that, too) but in search of a more fulfilling and challenging opportunity. I am pretty proactive (read: aggressive) in my hunt, and am not afraid to approach people with a true and focused statement of my motives: “I am looking for work”
I’ve always been taught that Honesty is the best policy. It kind of bothers me that people in the hiring process will take the time to run an ad, then when you respond they don’t seem to have the time to talk to you. Certain reactions, certain phrases, certain subliminal messages come through, I almost get the idea that they are thinking “this is so much of a bother, “I can’t find good help anywhere”….or “here’s another disappointment”, this person is already so pre-destined to failure because of the very way he treats me, one of his best candidates.
I know I can do this company, cause or organization a lot of good, I don’t apply for things that I am not qualified for, so why have you already decided to disqualify or disinterest me by the very way you treat me? How are you doing that? By FAILING TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I MAY BE OF VALUE TO YOU.
I am a firm believer and a practitioner of the Golden Rule. It is called VALIDATION, my friend. I know it is a buyer’s market out there, there are a lot more people that there are jobs, but if you don’t take the time to listen, you will not find those “good” people you need.
“We’ll let you know if we’re interested in you” Oh, Okay… Will you let me know if you’re not? “No, probably not. Much too busy for that….” Thanks, you speak volumes about what to expect in your employment…
Dear Mr. Human Relations Person (talk about a contradiction in terms):
By your very attitude, your arrogance, your manner in the way you treat “excellent” people like me, you have just made me realize that maybe I’m just not interested in coming to work for you! I’ll continue my quest, and continue to be patient, until I find that place that the Lord has planned for me to do my best work, for His greatest good.
ive done it online but i have to play conceited and after that long boring online conversation she chat with me no more, ever.
This is a valuable post. I recently left a church because several people treated me like labor force. I continue to attend a class on the weekend, so I run into the rotten people in passing. I try not to talk to them, just a cursory hello, but that’s not enough. So sometimes I get caught up (briefly) in a chat. At first they were nice (seemingly), but I wasn’t taking the bait. Now they are more aggressive and make little nasty digs (like, you look awful … you need a new job — you’ve changed! you this/you that). I’m a tired person who works a lot, and I ditched this baptist church because they had me putting in 600+ hours in a year doing all their work when I was already full-time employed. These people thought they owned me and my schedule, and now they’re mad at me because they aren’t able to use me. So now I have a saying, if they can shoot from the hip, then so can I. If someone says, you look awful — I’ll say, wow, that’s a crummy thing to say to a person who’s tired. If someone says, you’re not like you used to be (because I’m not doing all the work), then I’ll say, maybe I’m not how you want me to be, but I’m exactly as I’ve always been. Or like what happened recently at a homeless dinner, when I got dumped on for not running the program (I told them I’m not in charge of it, and that either way things would turn out fine) … I told the woman who was barking at me that she was anxious and needed to relax a little. Ugh. I think I’m going to have to stop attending the weekend class because I run into too many of these people when I’m arriving and when I’m leaving. You know that line from Desederata (pardon my spelling)? It advises to stay away from loud, aggressive people — they are vexations of the spirit? These irritating people fall in that category. I have a lot to give, creatively and generously, and I figure there are good people out there to collaborate with … life is short, time is limited, and I want to be selective and apply my efforts wisely. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest
Oh, I should add that these unpleasant church people like to give hugs. Now there are several kinds of hugs — and some of my church friends do hug, and it’s welcome. But the nasty people use it as a way of control, and if you refuse, because you don’t want to be fake, they act all offended, so I have accepted many hugs I didn’t want to just to keep the peace. Isn’t that wrong? Isn’t that fake of me? But I can’t do that anymore. The last time this one particularly pushy woman did this (she’s always criticizing me and then rushing off, leaving me with my mouth open in shock — what I call the Blitz Insult). I was talking to someone else, and she was pushing her way in, interrupting my conversation with a friend. So then she came around my side and did a shoulder to shoulder hug — I had no option. Here’s the sicko thing — she dug her nails into my arm, and kept digging, and I guess she didn’t think I’d say anything, but I said, Ow! Loudly. Then she stopped and rushed off. Isn’t that sick? Okay, next time I see this horrid woman, and I’m trapped, I’ll stick out my hand for a shake, but no more hugs. I’d rather avoid her altogether, but if I can’t, then I have a plan.
As my therapist told me, “You’re not a public service. You don’t have to answer the phone or get back to them.” So I have been slowly weaning off a couple that just don’t get the social cues to back off – especially if you have nothing to offer but always want something.
It just helps to be super busy and into your own thing for real so you aren’t feeling like you have to fake it. If these types are around me, I obviously needed to learn how to figure them out early. Because once you get in relationships with depleting people, it can be hard to just get out. I am now going to go with my intuition more often. Do I feel comfortable around this person? Sometimes I can feel comfortable with someone, but as I get to know them, I realize they are out to drain me either consciously or not. Now I have to backtrack and see what the red flags were so I can be alert to certain signposts of these types and be a bit more proactive and waste less time.