The Power Of A Simple Letter
Effective Communication
Whenever I needed to mend a relationship or talk to someone about an important matter, my dad always suggested that I write them a letter. At first I thought his idea was ridiculous and old-fashioned. Why not just talk to them or give them a call on the phone? That would be so much quicker and so much easier!
That is what I thought, but after putting it into use it quickly became apparent that writing a letter is one of the most effective ways to communicate.
Why a Letter Is Better
- The timing – It takes a lot more time to write a letter to someone than to call them on the phone or speak with them in person. You have to get the paper, write it out by hand with a pen or pencil, fold the paper, seal it, address it, stamp it, and let it go through the be sent by mail. It is a long process considering how instant most of our world is today. Email, telephone, fast food, so much instant gratification. This tedious process of writing a letter is a good thing! Taking the time to write out the letter gives you time to think about your emotions. If you call someone right away in anger, you may regret it later. However, if you take the time to write a letter, it forces you to take some time and cool down about whatever the matter at hand is.
- It is planned and organized – When I write a letter, I know that I cannot just delete something, replace something, copy, paste, or delete like I can in an email or on a word processor. This forces me to organize my thoughts and emotions, plan out what I want to say, and really think about what it is that I want to communicate to this person before I start writing. Other forms of communication can sometimes end up with you rambling on about something, going off subject, or saying something that you regret later.
- You cannot be interrupted - Have you ever been in an emotional conversation or argument and been so close to convincing the other person to see things your way? So close to getting them to forgive you? So close to getting your point across and then BAM! They interrupt you… This can lead to a rant or ramble from them, you losing your train of thought and forgetting exactly what it is you wanted to say, you changing the way you feel and getting angry because of their interruption, or you interrupting them in return. With a letter, it is absolutely impossible for them to interrupt you. Your message is received in full with no breaks. Well, I guess they could destroy the letter before even reading it… but let’s hope things aren’t that bad.
- It is private – One of the most disrespectful and embarrassing things is an argument that is made public when it should clearly be handled in a private manner. I’ve seen it with teachers and students. I’ve seen it with parents and children. I’ve seen it with married couples. I’ve seen it with friends. I’ve seen it with managers and employees. I’ve seen it with absolute strangers. It happens everywhere. No one likes to be ridiculed, punished, or embarrassed in public. Writing a letter is a way to make sure that your argument or discussion is 100% private. They can read it on their own time, with their own eyes, and not worry about judgement from people around them.
- It is not the norm - Now that we have telephones and the internet, how often do you get hand-written letters? I get maybe… one a year? Getting a letter in the mail that was written by hand is a big deal for me, and I pay attention to it. This unexpected factor alone can be enough to get someone to listen to your side of the story. They will respect the time and effort you have put into crafting the letter.
- Provides an easy way for them to respond – This opens up an avenue for your reader to respond. They can benefit from the reasons mentioned above. You will get a clear understanding of where they are coming from. You will not be able to interrupt them. You can read their opinion in private. Of course, not everyone will respond to your letter with a letter, but this makes the option to respond with a letter appropriate.
Some examples of where a simple letter might come in handy are:
- Writing to your boss about quitting your job.
- Letting a loved one know that you are worried about their lifestyle or bad habits they have.
- Explaining to your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife why you are upset.
- Offering help to a student that is struggling in class or letting them know that their behavior in class is not appropriate.
- Letting a local politician know about some issues that are of major concern to you.
There are many situations in life where a simple letter can help you communicate. Those are just a few. Ask yourself the next time a difficult situation comes up whether or not writing a letter might help.
An Alternative
I know that writing things by hand can be difficult or that some of you might not be comfortable with the look of your handwriting (mine looks terrible!). But even typing out a letter on your computer, printing it out, and sending it by mail can be quite effective. Say what you mean to say. Really give it some thought. Communicate effectively by writing a simple letter.
What are some instances in which writing a letter helped you clearly express your opinion, emotions, or viewpoint? What are some instances in which you wished you had written a letter instead of exploding on the spot or getting cut off by the other person? Leave a comment below and let us know!
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hmmm, you make letters seem negativo in this post. i like the happy letters and birthday cards. i rarely get them, or send them for that matter, but i love old-friend-catching-up-type letters. those are fun! or how about love notes? from secret admirers? a “you’re-the-greatest-kid” mom note in your lunch box?
One of the positive things you mentioned about letters is that it gives you time to cool down. This is very important since you don’t want to say or write anything in anger that can not be taken back so easily. I suggest that you also write the letter and sit on it for a day or two. Reread it, and if you still have those same feelings, mail it off. If you reread it and it still sounds too harsh you can always rewrite it. The theraeutic benefit of writing is that you will have taken those possibly negative emotions and gotten them off your chest so that you don’t internaize them.
I have found that the greatest advantage to writing a “real” letter is that one can take as much time as needed to develop just the right word usage, just the right phraseology, to fully express one’s views, opinions or points to their maximum accuracy and impact. Often it is difficult (for most of us) to come up with that ideal language in a live conversation.
With the time spent in composing a good letter, it is most likely that the emotional effect will have tempered and taken it’s rightful back seat to the issues. This is one of the downfalls of e-mail, it is instantaneous, you cannot retrieve your letter before the postal worker picks it up, if you have second thoughts.
The second reason for writing is so as to not cloud one’s view, one’s suggestions, in light of the other party’s verbal lead or feedback. “I want to deliver my message in its purest form, and receive your message in its clearest form.”
A letter can be read over and over, in varying levels (or in the absence) of interference, with greater attention given, and it removes the subliminal effect of body language, etc.
A very influential man in my life had a sign on the wall of his office that read: “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant”…
In short: The Power Of A Simple Letter